Some Time Thoughts

...meant to shine

2008-03-08T23:33:00.004-06:00

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
- Marianne Williamson

Paradox...

2008-02-26T22:47:00.005-06:00

In my Special Ed class today, we talked about how kids with special needs just want to be typical. Yet, many typical kids strive to be different.

So, typical or different? Is one "better" than the other?

It seems like everyone has their own cross to carry.

Commercials

2008-02-25T22:54:00.004-06:00

I like commercials. The well thought out ones are like short films, 30 second geniuses, moments of art...

www.firebrand.com

Kohlberg's 6 Levels

2008-02-17T00:36:00.013-06:00

Kohlberg is known for his levels/stages of moral development and as I was studying for a class the other day, I had a thought! Gasp right?! It wasn't about what I was studying, but it was a tangent, an offshoot, and I found myself applying Kohlberg's 6 levels of moral development and adapting it to my walk with my BFF Jesus.

To help illustrate my point, I am stealing the names of the 6 levels from a book I read called "Teach Like Your Hair's on Fire" by Rafe Esquith. The only reason I am stealing them is because they were succinct and they really helped me make sense of stuff. It was found in the chapter titled "Searching for Level VI."

Level 1: I Don't Want to Get In Trouble.

Kohlberg's Thoughts: Basically, children first begin to learn about morals because they, well, don't want to get into trouble. "I better not take that candy," thinks 6 year old Robbie to himself, "or I will get in trouble."

My Thoughts: Sometimes, my relationship with my BFF Jesus is kinda like that. Growing up Catholic, I seem to constantly have to "behave the right way" for fear of getting into trouble. I remember my Cathecism teacher telling me that I needed to say 3 Hail Marys each night, or I won't be able to get into heaven. :( Consequently, I tried to say my 3 Hail Marys every night and even did replacement Hail Marys for nights that I fell asleep. I did this for several years because I didn't want to get into trouble and end up in the bad place.

Level 2: I Want a Reward

Kohlberg's Thoughts: Children will do something right if they are offered something in return. "If you do your homework, we'll go get ice-cream."

My Thoughts: "God, if I go to church for 4 weeks in a row and sit in front and say the rosary for a month, will you please help me get all A's in my exams?" I think we are kinda familiar with this stage.

Level 3: I Want to Please Somebody

Kohlberg's Thoughts: Children might do something because they are aiming for attention and praise from an authority figure. A child may consistently perform a certain way if they get a pat on the back.

My Thoughts: Sometimes, I feel the need to please God. Sometime I feel the need to speak proper, to act proper, to smell proper, to think proper and hopefully my overt actions please God.

Level 4: I Follow the Rules

Kohlberg's Thoughts: Children follow the rules because they know that they are there for a reason.

My Thoughts: I remember having to memorize the 10 commandments and I remember having to follow it strictly. There is nothing wrong with following the 10 commandments, but there is something wrong if that is ALL I was told to do and that is what I MUST do to be a good Catholic. Sometimes, I still search for the rules to follow, because somehow, being in a certain set of right guidelines, set me free.

Level 5: I am Considerate of Other People

Kohlberg's Thoughts: Children (and adults) hopefully, eventually, start thinking about other people instead of just themselves. The best way to learn is to walk in the other person's shoes.

My Thoughts: I can help the homeless and the needy, but do I really know what it is like to be homeless and needy? I can do good, but why am I doing it? Is it so I can feel good about myself, and then turn around and be obnoxious the next moment. I can be considerate, but why do I have an "on" button for that.

Level 6: I have a Personal Code of Conduct and I am Going to Live It. (Esquith also calls it the Atticus Finch Stage)

Kohlberg's Thoughts: This is probably the highest level of moral development. The child has a clear sense of right and wrong, justice and injustice. We see this in people like Martin Luther King, Gandhi and Mother Theresa, for they believed so strongly in a prosocial ideal.

My Thoughts: I want to reach this level in my walk with Jesus. To know Him so well, to understand His words so clearly, and to pursue His Kingdom so passionately that there are no gray nor confusion in my life. Everything that I do, speak, and live is based upon His one truth and that one truth is all I need. Thank goodness for grace, but I need to be always clear on where my compass points. Semper Fidelis.

What Makes You Come Alive?

2008-01-26T00:08:00.000-06:00

Recently, in response to a question, I found myself replying with the words "...it makes me come alive." I was a little surprised by my own response because hearing myself say out loud something that I've always kinda known was liberating.

What makes you come alive?

Where did Napoleon hide his Armies?

2008-01-06T23:25:00.000-06:00

The vicar's message really challenged me today. Grrr /waves fist of fury :)

I saw an unexpected side from a fellow churchgoer and it evoked commitment and more action.

What does God want me to do so that I may glorify His name? How am I supposed to use my gifts and bear fruit? Time to hit track #4 in Jeremy Riddle's cd again...

America is a great country to live in. People don't get put to jail for speaking their minds, even if it is their government. I wish I could vote, since they take my money in taxes :)

I am wanting sushi. Had Pho for lunch, thinking that it might satisfy sushi cravings, but nope it didn't.

Who invented Pizza?

Have you ever found yourself with so much stuff to do, that you don't know where to begin and then you just don't want to do it because there is just so much to do and because there is so much to do, you don't feel like doing anything and that is why you have so much to do? Eeek, packing is the suck.

Aurora borealis are fascinating. So is space weather. Satellites and GPS are mind boggling. Go go Gadget NASA channel.

Nothing greater can come from something lesser. Single cell organisms turning into complex life = silly theory.

Are desert lions really smarter than savannah lions? Yes, says the bearded, barefooted man who tracks them.

Chips! I enjoy chips! Archer Farms is pretty delicious. Wasabi and Mustard flavor = yummy.

One goal for 2008 is to put on about 25 healthy pounds.

We need more episodes of Firefly. I hope Cloverfield is not a let down. It looks like a fun, stylistic film

And ohyeah...Napoleon hid his armies in his sleevies. I love jokes my 4 year old campers tell me.

Capertillars and Aminals

2007-12-26T11:21:00.000-06:00

So, I had to go in to work for a little bit today - feed, medicate, and clean the education animals. In my solitude of cutting up bananas and changing wood chips, my mind inevitably wandered ... I like to call them moments of inspirations, because for a brief period of time, I surprise myself, and am taken into a different place; one where I go "thank goodness I have consciousness and not just instincts."

Anyway, here are some of those "moments."

While feeding the tenrec (please look at exhibit A to the right) I noticed the typical bunch of crickets hopping around in the tenrec's "crib." However, on this fateful day, there were 2 crickets in the tenrec's water bowl. My heroic manly nature kicked in (insert baritone manly growl here) and I proceeded to save those crickets from drowning. The crickets were very happy and hopped away (think Jimminy Cricket)
Moments later, the same cricket took a U turn and hopped back into the water bowl. I was baffled and wondered..."If these creatures are so not intelligent, why are they not extinct yet?"
Moment of inspiration: It is because they breed somewhat fast and they eat pretty much anything .
It got me thinking further... isn't that much like lack-of-common sense people in society then? I must admit that I often fall short and lacked the typical common sense, but I am referring to people who are...well, you know "sits in a smoking section chain smoking with a baby on her shoulders!" You would think that just by survival of the fittest theory, lack-of-common sense people might become extinct, but noooooo, I guess they breed somewhat fast too like crickets!
So, new simile for the day: Lack-of-common sense people are like crickets.

Wait! There's more!

While I was cleaning Chuckles the Rooster and Scooter the Duck, I had not 1, but 2 moments of inspirations.

First, I was using the hose, with a jet of water shooting with decent pressure, trying to get yucky stuff off the cement floor. Then the thought of Blood:Water Mission popped into my head. Here I am using water to clean up after animals and somewhere in the world, humans don't even have clean water to drink.

Second, I was spraying water and cleaning Scooter's rubber mat, and as soon as it was cleaned, Scooter poops on it. It happened 3 times! I was a little annoyed after the third time, and I thought "that's it buddy, I am not cleaning you up anymore!"
Moment of inspiration: Isn't that like how we treat God's grace sometimes. He cleans us, and then we poop and sin and get dirty again and he cleans us again. I am not liking myself to God in my act of cleaning up after Scooter, it just got me thinking about how I sometimes take for granted God's grace for me. It is a great thing that God never ever gets annoyed with me and he will never say "that's it buddy, I am not cleaning you up anymore!"

Lastly, please do not be like Amborro the Blue and Gold Macaw.
Please do not bite the hand that feeds you :)

Of Clouds and Ladders

2007-12-22T23:51:00.000-06:00

I believe that dreams, hopes and aspirations set humans apart from other living things. I believe that when God puts dreams in us, He does not do it to tease us. Dreams are not like carrots-on-a-stick, but rather they are like cheese in a maze for the mouse - if it is relentless and doesn't mind coming to dead-ends sometimes and back-tracking a little, eventually the promised smell shall be tasted. Dreams are not designed to keep us whiny or wishful nor are they designed to overwhelm us. They are given to keep us moving forward and to be hopeful and reliant on Jesus. If we can dream it, we need to find the courage to chase it.

I truly believe that dreams should and will come true simply because they come from God and we need to honor Him. I pray for courage and perseverance.

Choices

2007-12-18T23:12:00.000-06:00

Many years ago, in Singapore, we had to take this compulsory class and exams called the General Paper (GP for short) It dealt with world issues, moral and ethical view points and controversial topics - abortion, euthanasia, beauty pageants, teenage mothers you get the idea. At that time, my 17 year old mind was too immature for such undertakings and I was put into the class that needed to "improve" the most. I remember distinctly how difficult it was for me to write about certain things, and I remember not having an opinion of my own. I remember how I was usually on the fence, because I believed that there were usually at least 2 sides to every story, so taking a stand was hard for me until I knew EVERYTHING. Later on in life (and by that I mean now) I realized that I am wired in such a way that decisions came slow and deliberate...much like the Ents in Lord of the Rings I suppose.

Today, I learned that my grandmother, an awesome lady whom I spent a lot of my growing up years with, someone who always made wonderful Pickled Vegetable and Duck soup and someone whom I have not seen for 7 years, is lying in a coma, with a heart that is not beating, and supported by a machine that pumps oxygen into her lungs.

The concept of euthanasia is staring me in the face.

It was hard to write about it back in Junior College, it is even harder to think about it right now.

Please pray that my family finds the strength and peace.

The Absolute Truth...

2007-12-16T23:48:00.000-06:00

...is that, Jesus loves me! I need to always keep that in my heart and mind.

I have been anxious/nervous about a few things lately, and in the midst of my anxiety is when I draw closer to my BFF Jesus. Sometimes, I want to keep being "anxious" because I do not ever want to forget my need to rely on Him. When I am anxious, I pray more and listen more, and I am comforted by the thought and hope that something greater wants the best for me. When I am not so anxious, I think I can run my own life - that's where it gets hairy.

Today, one of my anxiety was alleviated. The power of the Creator of the world never fails to amaze me.

I just want to "soar high on wings like eagles, run and not grow weary, walk and not faint" so that I may do His work.

Turn the Page

2007-12-11T00:50:00.000-06:00

A new chapter is about to begin.
I am praying that the new pages are filled properly and my life used in a way that will glorify His name.
A combination of excitement and anxiety keeps me on my toes, but at the same time, I want to dive into a computer game to escape from the real world.

Jeans

2007-10-19T23:29:00.001-05:00

Old clothes are comfortable. They are predictable, and they usually feel like they should. They give you confidence because they are familiar.
Old clothes have gone through plenty of rough churning and many hot and parched trials. They have been tested, and have prevailed.
Old clothes might sometime not measure up. They could be out dated or might be too loud. But comfort, confidence and resilience never wears thin.

Old friends are like old clothes. It is good to have them around.

New and soggy

2007-10-18T23:31:00.000-05:00

Well, I've always loved reading blogs. I feel that free writing is one good way of knowing someone's heart and mind. I had time at hand tonight, and while surfing and dinking around on Facebook, I came across my cousin's blog page, and I said, what the heck, I am going to try this thing.

Not sure who is going to read this, but I hope family and friends will. I am an introvert; yes I know it doesn't seem that way, but believe me, I am :) I am going to use this as an outlet and share my thoughts and feelings and inspirations and prayers, so that friends and family can know me better and see another facet and consequently in return - which is what I am more excited about, that I will get to know you better. I am very new to this, and if there is a place to leave your comments, please do so. I enjoy dynamic conversations.